The Case for Letting Kids Face the Small Stuff—So They Can Grow Big Skills
It’s a hectic morning, and you’re scrambling to get ready for an important meeting. Your child is still in bed and now won’t have time to pack a proper lunch. A week ago, this would have been a non-issue—you would have done it already—but your child expressed interest in doing more “big kid stuff,” and this seemed like a good way to start. Annoyed, because you are already pressed for time, you throw together a nutritious meal and call the sleepyhead again. The child gets up just in time to scarf down some breakfast, grab the lunch you made, and get to school. As you rush out the door without a second to spare—packing that lunch has now made you late—you see your child’s forgotten homework assignment on the kitchen table. Do you go out of your way to drop it off?
Don’t worry…This isn’t a test, and like so much in parenting, there is no right or wrong answer—just a lot to think about. In the end, you have to do what’s right for your family.
As parents, we all want the best for our children. We want them to eat well (hence making the lunch). We want them to succeed. We don’t want them to be stressed out and anxious. We want them to know we’re there for them. And, let’s be honest, we also don’t want the teacher or others to think we’re slacker parents. Many of us will drop the homework off so that our children don’t get in trouble or lose marks for forgetting it, and we get to be our kids’ hero, if for only a moment.
What if we didn’t?
What if, instead, we let our child suffer the natural consequences, the minor setbacks that come with sleeping in or forgetting homework?
For one thing, we’d probably be on time for that meeting, and we wouldn’t be as stressed. We might be less annoyed with our children, because the lunch and the homework are now their problems instead of ours.
The child might be stuck eating dry crackers for lunch, because that’s all there was time to grab on the way out the door. But maybe tomorrow—or the day or week after that—that same child will get up a couple of minutes earlier to make something better to eat or pack lunch the night before.
The child might lose marks for not turning the homework in on time or might have to stay in at recess or lunch to complete the assignment. Tonight, your child might stow the homework in his or her backpack to make sure it gets to school tomorrow.
It’s obviously not always this easy. Your child might get angry or guilt you for not coming to the rescue. It might take several times for your child to get it. A concerned teacher might call about the crackers for lunch, or your child might fail an assignment. You might need to help your child learn to better manage time or find tools (such as making lists) to remember everything. Through all of this, your child will learn important new life skills and work towards developing a growth mindset.
By putting the responsibility for doing these things in our children’s hands, we let them know we believe they are capable. By believing they are capable, we give them the opportunity to learn that they are.
Laura LaRocca was previously the coordinator at Dufferin Parent Support Network. If you have questions regarding this article, email us at info@parentsupportnetwork.ca